1. The panel. All the voice actors and most of the production staff were present. The actors read a comic in character, which explained what happened to Futurama (assholes at Fox canceled it), and how it was revived by fans. Highlight: Sam and I cut in line, and nobody dared say shit. Ah, hand tattoos and whiskey, thy name is audacity.
2. I shared an elevator with Aaron Douglas! (He plays Chief Tyrol on BSG.) I played it totally cool… until we got to the lobby when I said, “You’re my favorite person on earth.” He looked surprised, and answered, “Thanks.” I felt gaytarded.
3. I woke Sam up with the best wedgie I’ve ever given. He was in a dead, dreaming sleep. His scream, upon feeling the razor-sharp cotton in his ass, was both bloodcurdling and the best thing ever.
4. When the family in the neighboring room confronted us in the hallway – they were interrogating us to figure out why we were making so much noise at night, in an effort to have us cease doing so – Adam told them we were gay. His plan, so it turned out, was to give us a civil rights angle should the hotel try and evict us.
5. The following evening, during our nightly shenanigans, we heard a knock on the door. It was security. As Brett was clad only in his underwear, he placed on his respectable pair of Misfits shorts and opened the door. What followed was the most awkward attempt by a hotel security guard to interact with a stone wall that I’d ever witnessed. At the end of his informational “we’ve had multiple complaints about the noise” speech, followed by a long pause, he finished with: “I’m gonna go now.”
6. Sam met the room service guy in his underpants… in the hallway.
7. When we finally let the housekeeper in, she expressed a look of absolute horror and asked, “What do you want me to do with all this?”
8. The replicants loved me.
9. I met comic artist and writer Christian Gossett, of The Red Star, at the Red Star booth. Autographed merchandise followed to the tune of $100.00. I nerded-out hard.
10. Later, I saw Christian Gossett locked out of his hotel room and screaming up to his roommates for entry.
11. Adam fell in the pool when looking at a girl. His full, complete explanation for the event was as follows: “I’d had a few beers and she had a big ass.”
12. While receiving a wedgie, I somehow managed to maneuver myself into a full handstand. Adam, who was the judge of Brett and Sam’s performance, gave them a 9.6. The Russian judge was not so kind.
13. The same gay leather-daddy guy kept cruising Brett… HARD. His name, so he said, was Paul. He was from Portland. He liked Brett’s mustache quite a bit. “Paul from Portland” became our primary mascot. We’re all pretty sure Brett blew him.
14. Brett hung out with Will Wheaton in line to see Joss Whedon. That’s a crazy dork-paradox.
15. We kept seeing Ernie Hudson everywhere.
16. Brett saw Stan Lee. Adam saw Stan Lee hanging out with Oliver Stone.
17. Just after he fell in the pool, Adam attempted to approach Stan Lee to get his autograph, but was immediately chased away by Oliver Stone’s security. The world was saddened, as what could have been the most hilarious attempt by a drunken, sopping wet moron to get an autograph on a wet napkin… ever… did not happen.
18. Brett - who managed to hit the gym every hung-over morning - told me he was quitting beer to get back down to his fighting weight. I said, “That’s probably a good place to start.” Then I went to grab another Bud. Brett said, “Toss me one of those, wouldja?” I did. I then asked him, “Um, so, that ‘no beer’ thing was bullshit?” He explained, “I meant later.”
19. Drinking in the morning, afternoon and evening. Then, in the morning again.
20. Brett and Sam went down to TJ. Sam got offered sensual massage, Viagra and Oxycontin tablets. Brett, however, was offered dental work.
21. It’s all on film… kinda.
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